Having set back on British soil a mere three days ago, I cannot help but be currently fighting the urge to get straight back on the plane and jet off to foreign climes…everything has annoyed and upset me in recent days…here is why…
1) Airport Transfers – who the hell invented them? In truth, I have never had an airport transfer go so terribly wrong. You know the drill, you wake up ridiculously early and drag yourself around getting ready, to ensure that you are the required ’20 Minutes Early’ ready for Mr Transfer and his magical bouncing van; only for him to be ten minutes late to pick you up with no word of an apology. Not only that, due to some hideous mix-up (and I am blaming the driver, he looks like he doesn’t listen to a word anyone says, whilst brushing his hair in the rear view mirror), we are then kept waiting at another hotel for another passenger…who does not exist…only to make us 45 minutes late for check in. Lovemenot felt the wrath of my blows that day, the incessant finger-drumming on my suitcase, the nervous fanning of my passport as I thought I would pass out from stress, combined with lack of food (yup, no time for anything, thanks to you, vain, hair-brushing little tosspiece). Thank the Lord we made the flight in the end, and that the transfers in England were somewhat smoother. Otherwise I might have spontaneously combusted.
2) Boys – enough said. You go away for a week to avoid thinking about them, then one of them gets in touch, then effs off again, then you can’t stop thinking about that other one that you should not be thinking about anymore. I’m exhausted from just writing that alone. Trouble is, if it is so meant for me to be forlornly drifting about half-meeting time-wasters and forever wishing for the love of ‘im who shall remain nameless, then I’m really not sure I can be bothered with it all. Perhaps I’ll abstain and make some sort of feminist stand. Hmm...Oh…he’s fit.
3) Slow-Walking people. I have lived in London for near enough two years now and my patience has disintegrated to absolute zero; why hasn’t anybody else’s? There we are, Lovemenot and I, filled up on Panini, trying to negotiate our way through Victoria station as if we were sun-tanned, maxi-dress-clad farmers, trying to herd cows with briefcases. Not only are there queue-jumpers in the line to top up your Oyster, we are continually caught behind some idiot trying to ‘take in the view’ of the Underground; it took all my strength not to scream ‘Move, You Remorseless Bastards,’ so had to make do with nipping my suitcase wheels on their heels instead.
4) Aside from the unspeakable goings-ons in Norway, it was devastating to come home to the news that Amy Winehouse had passed away. A favourite of mine, her Back to Black album rarely left my CD player back in 2006 and I often turn to her beautiful, heartbreaking tunes for consolation and escape. Such a shame to lose such a talent, especially as she seemed to be turning such a corner from her troubles. I hope, wherever she is now, she is finally at peace. We will always love you Amy, your music and legend will forever live on.
I suppose I should try and look forward with reasons to be perhaps proud, excited and cheerful, one would hope so anyway, what with it being July and hot at that, so here are a few highlights…
1) Simultaneously purchasing a fast-outselling CD via the Paypal app on my phone, whilst negotiating the Baggage Reclaim at Gatwick. It was tough, a challenge indeed but, yes, in a few days, one of the 50 remaining copies of ‘Death in the Afternoon’ will be winging its merry way to me. Mr C, I implore you to be proud of me, just this once; such a feat takes both great skill and dedication. I expect a firm pat on the back next time I see you, or a punch on the arm, which is evidently more your style…
2) Not one to wish Summer away, except that I do, because I’m a Winter baby, the previews for AW11 look immense. Nothing like a cinched silhouette wrapped up in winter woollens and military-inspired embellishment as far as I’m concerned; you can keep your sweaty, overheated underarms and grubby Frodo-feet, Summer. Indeed AW11 is upon us, it’s all lady-like and power-dressing and it’s all in Marie Claire, Glamour and Elle – all of which were perfect holiday reads. Lovemenot will be able to stock up on her Naff Jumper collection she has been fantasising about all holiday; whilst I am pleased to see Fashion’s obsession with Fetish and Goth is still very much in the picture. Watch out Black Lace Urban Outfitters Mini-Dress, I’m a-comin’.
3) I also really really really really want a vintage fur coat, I really really really want one…
4) Bob. Hmm Bob. He was there, then he was gone, dived on the twat pile or so I thought; turns out he might well be back in the game again and, for once, through no twattish fault of his own. One will not count one’s chickens, but Bob may well be the one to watch…
5) One more blissful week off work…no need to handle the staffing issues, the looming Brand Day or the general custom I seem to be getting in my store for another week. Jemma is up for her Birthday, I expect we’ll go and see Amy’s house and we’ve got a rather epic Friday night out to look forward to.
Anyway, that’s enough of my miserable drivel for today, I think they call it jetlag or something? That’s what I’m sticking to anyway, despite the one hour time difference between Britain and Croatia. Anyway, must dash, I will have more Croatian musings for you shortly, right now I have a date with a dice and I do believe it may be time to unleash my inner Christina Hendricks…..
RIP Amy Winehouse September 14th 1983 – 23rd July 2011
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